“I will be”

This poem is dedicated to a hurting friend.

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I let my heart be as cold as ice

It didn’t want to hear any more lies

And then you came and smiled at me

I told myself I was finally free

From all the hurt and all the pain

That have almost killed my thinking brain

I gave myself another chance

To love and be loved again, at last

Your smile was like my favorite tv show

How to you could i just say “No”

It wiped away all the misery

And revived my heart that already grew weary

My soul was impressed with the love you’ve promised

We dreamt together and made special memories

Fear crippled at the thought of losing you

I just cannot find another you in a few

I loved you so much that it already choked you 

The smile you impressed me was no more true

The burning fire started to weaken

The hate in your heart started to strengthen

Here I am now, broken and miserable

Wet in tears and still not able

I am no longer the reason behind your smile

I don’t wanna live, I just wanna die

But life goes on and so should I

Little by little, I’ll let my feelings die

Goodbye my love, now you are free

I’m not okay, but surely, I will be

Pwede mong basahin kung bored ka…

“Ilang taon ka na? Ah, 24? Malapit na mag-25. Juzhmiyo, Marimar! Dapat mag-asawa ka na?”

May nakapagsabi na ba sa iyo ng mga litanyang katulad niyan? Maaaring habang naglalakad ka papuntang palengke tapos nakasalubong mo yung madaldal mong klasmeyt nung highschool at isasampal sayo ang realidad na tumatanda ka na bakit single ka pa. Di kaya naman habang pauwi ka galing sa trabaho at nakipagkuwentuhan ka sa taxi driver kasi natatakot kang baka makatulog siya at boom! Ayun nagising ka nang tanong niyang patungkol sa natutulog mong lovelife. O kaya eto habang nakaupo ka sa inidiro at gumagawa ng mga life decisions tapos napatanong ka na lang bigla niyan sa isip mo.

Ang sarap batukan nung nakasalubong mong kaklase di ba? Ang sarap sabihan ni kuyang taxi deiver, “Kuya, ihinto mo ang taxi ngayon din, bababa ako.”. At ang sarap mag-walling sa cr habang nagpeplay sa background ang kantang “All by myself.”

Pero kaibigan hindi ka nag-iisa. Hindi lang ikaw ang nakaramdam ng pressure. (Insert Chorus of Di Lang Ikaw by Juris)

Marami kami. Marami tayo. Alam mo kung ano ang dapat nating gawin? Maghintay. Oo tama maghintay. Ang kulit, mag-hintay nga. Pero siyempre mapapatanong ka ng “bakit?”. 

Dahil mga hijo, hija, ang bagay na minamadali ay madaling nagtatapos. Alangan naman pumasok ka sa isang relasyon kasi pressured ka lang. Ang mentality mo, “Kahit sino na ang manligaw sa aking lalaki, sasagutin ko na”. Mali yun! O di kaya naman kahit sino na makita mong nakapalda diyan liligawan mo na kasi nahihiya ka dahil ikaw na lang ang walang lovelife sa barkadahan. Di tama yun!
Huwag na huwag kang magsesettle sa isang relasyon kung ang driving force mo ay pressure, hiya, at takot. Dapat pag-ibig ang dahilan. Sa ingles, LOVE.

Pero Kuya Marky ano po ba talaga ang ibig mong sabihin sa maghintay?

Ganito yun, alam mo ba naniniwala ako na ang bawat tao ay binigyan ng katadhana? At isa pa, lahat ng bagay ay nangyayari sa tamang panahon. 

Pag dumating na yung tamang panahon, kusa na lang kayong pagtatagpuin ng tadhana. Malalaman mong siya na kasi sa tuwing nakikita mo siya bigla na lang nagiging slo-mo lahat. Sa oras na yun, kakaiba na ang tibok ng mga puso ko. Hindi na normal. Hindi tulad ng tibok ng puso mo na naramdaman mo sa 92 mong ex o kung NBSB/NGSB ka hindi yun yung tipikal na tibok ng puso mo nung nagkacrush ka at nung nag-assume ka na crush ka din niya 💔

Kung dati 70bpm lang ang heart rate mo, ngayon nagiging 189bpm na. At malalaman mong siya na kung kasama mo na siya sa mga plano mo sa buhay. Yun bang hindi mo na kayang isipin pag nawala pa siya.

Oo may ganyang feeling ayon sa mga surveys. Minsan natatakot ka baka mapaglipasan ka na ng panahon pero alam kong alam ni Lord kung ano ang best para sayo. Lahat nang yan planado na Niya. Malay mo bukas, sa isang araw,sa isang linggo, sa isang buwan, sa isang taon, sa dalawang taon, sa ooooopppss. Sige hihinto na ako baka ingudngod mo na ko sa tubig na may sabong panlaba. 

Siguro binabasa mo to ngayon dahil bored ka. Gusto ko lang sabihin na kapag nakita kita, tititigan mo ko sa mga mata ko habang sinasabi kong, “Magiging In A Relationship at Married din ang status natin sa Facebook. Kapit bes.” Basta sabay tayo maghintay ha. Maghihintay tayong naramdaman yung kakaibang tibok na yun. 

Sa tamang panahon. Sa takdang panahon. Pagdating ng Panahon. 😆😅

To the people who came and stayed..

People come and go, they say
I did not believe on that anyway
You will just get hurt, they added
I disagree on what they just insisted

I said, “Yes”, I got hurt by some
But that doesn’t mean everyone’s involved in a scam
There are temporary people and there are permanent ones
The latter are the ones who stayed since the first glance

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Thank you is all I can say
I always remember you every time I pray
You gave me a gift I will treasure forever
The kind of friendship that can thrive on whatever 

Searching

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All throughout our lives we’ve been searching. Searching for one’s self, searching for one’s purpose, searching for the right love, searching for the right time, and a long list of searching follows.

Some have already succeeded and many are still going through the process.

I, myself, too, have been searching. I am still searching for my purpose in life. What am I created for? Who am I here for? What do I have to do to make my existence worthy? Too many questions, also too many vague answers.

We are all searching because something inside us yearns for happiness and contentment. Our soul hungers deeply that it triggers our feet to walk the ground of uncertainties.

To sum it all up, I am still clueless. Not a single part of my brain can you find an accurate answer. But you know what’s good in searching? You learn how to be patient, and when you are patient, you have the capacity to wait, and waiting can be equated to trusting God’s timing.

Someday, when everything’s ripe and ready, God will show us the answers we’ve been looking for. Just continue to take the process because at the end of it all is a prize worth a million bunch of happiness that nothing in this world can ever give you.

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